Alex in Wonderland: November 2007

Confessions

"Since I’m already in the “Intimacy vs. Isolation” stage. I am struggling to seeing my self as a strong and independent person but searching and staying in a relationship seemed to be the problem. I don’t know if it is the result of the unsuccessful resolution of the Oedipus complex. Love in my life seemed to be a must, it was all I knew, I thought everybody felt the same, I was alone and desperate for someone to make me safe and love me in the only way I knew. I was so afraid of life, in struggling with that. I am so afraid with the kind of relationship that my parents have. The bad relationship I had with my father before helped me realize that if I want to transform any significant relationship in my life, I can stop trying to change others and open to accepting and loving everyone just as they are. By focusing on making shifts and changes in myself, I now know without a doubt that I alone can positively change any relationship in my life.Yet, in looking back, I could see now what I once would never have admitted—I was just as stubborn as dad.I wish I had a nice dad, he ran away for a day and then came back...Moral lesson: Never date a Nurse especially when he has endured hardship in his childhood..."

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